Everyone defines success differently. The standard definition according to Marriam-Webster defines success as a “favorable or desired outcome”. Most people define success as the completion of a task or the attainment of something that you can hold in your hand like an award or money. Everyone is trying to find the key that unlocks the door to success, but only a few are able to achieve great things. The reality is that if we are following the universal definition of success, then logically that means that it is reserved for a select few. That also means your favorite motivational speaker on social media lied when they said that you can be successful just like them if you take their masterclass for $299. How is anyone supposed to be motivated to get out of bed and try to do anything knowing that the odds are stacked so heavily against them?
This saddening realization is why I stopped chasing success. It was also in part due to the fact that I felt like a hamster in a wheel constantly running towards nothing at all and because I realized that I didn’t know exactly what I was chasing. What did success mean to me? This question triggered an intense quarter - life crisis and I learned a new vocabulary word: existentialism. After I did what all millennials do and consulted with my therapist, I fixed my sights on a new target: growth. I realized that success is not a thing or an action, it’s an emotion. The feeling of being successful is rooted in the knowledge that you are not in the same place today that you were in yesterday. So in order to feel successful, I had to grow.
#1 Knowledge of Self
It’s very hip these days to talk about drinking kombucha, attending yoga every week, and owning an assortment of crystals that align one thing or another in your life. I find that a lot of these activities are performative. People only do them just for the sake of doing them. They have no clue why they need to incorporate these things into their own lives. This is where the knowledge of self comes in. It is very, very, very, very important to not only understand what you do but why you do it. My scholarly friends call this metacognition or the awareness of one's own thought processes. We tend to get so caught up in the action itself, that we neglect the motivation behind it. If you can’t articulate the purpose of your journey or even the benefits, then you’ll end up spinning your hamster wheel too. Taking the journey to understand yourself inside and out is the first step towards growing into a better person.
#2 Lifting While Climbing
If you want to see progress in yourself, then you have to invest in the progress of other people. You may be wondering, “If I spend time and energy meddling in someone else’s business, then how am I supposed to tend to my own?” Good question. First, it’s important to understand that every time you encounter someone in life they teach you something. They will teach you how to be or they will teach you how not to be; but they will always teach you. Sometimes investing the time to get to know people is less about movement and more about stillness. These are opportunities for you to sit back and observe how other people are moving so you can learn from their experiences. Second, when you show a genuine interest in another person they naturally feel indebted to you. These people will be the ones to make sure that your name enters rooms that you aren’t physically able to be in. These people will be the ones to recommend you for opportunities that you had no idea existed. People are resources. You would be a fool to climb a mountain without a backpack filled with tools and other necessities. So, bring people with you on your way up and thank me later.
#3 Petrificus Totalus
Being scared can be...well, scary. It's ok to be terrified, but never ever be petrified. What’s the difference? Being terrified means you are frightened beyond comprehension. For example, I once spilled an entire 16-ounce glass of red Kool-aid on my mother’s white carpet 20 minutes before she was scheduled to get home from work. That, my friends, is pure, unadulterated fear. However, at that moment, I was not petrified. Being petrified means that you are so frightened that you are unable to move. Fear is fine. It is a natural response that is meant to keep you from doing something that might harm you; but sometimes it can keep you from bettering yourself too. I want you to know that I made good use of some baking soda and laundry detergent to avoid being grounded the entire summer. I carry that lesson with me to this day. Sometimes life doesn’t give you enough time to sit in your fear. More often than not you are forced to carry it with you, take immediate action, and process it later. I am not encouraging you to bury your emotions deep down inside, but I am letting you know that in order to grow you will have to operate in uncertain spaces quite often.
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